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Moving With Children
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Highlights:
End Well:
Treat endings
as importantly as
beginnings.
Stay Close: In a time of insecurity the family
is the best source of
security.
Keep the Kids
Involved: Let
them have a role to play and real choices to
make.
Be a
Model: You
can teach your kids how to handle change in
healthy ways.
Have Fun: A good plan is the best
ingredient. |
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Consider getting your children a
Keepsake Journal like:
"Look
Who's Moving
to a New
Home"
by BuddingFamily.com |
How to Make Moving Easier For
Them
by Katharine
Canfield
Moving can be as challenging as it is
exciting. Sometimes more so. Moving is as hard
for kids as it is for adults. They, too, are
leaving behind familiar places and important
friends. They, too, are starting over: seeking
new friends and adjusting to a new home,
neighborhood, and school. But because they're
still learning how to socialize and how to
effectively get their needs met, children need
caring adults to listen and help them adjust to
their new home, now more than ever.
If you're a parent contemplating a move, this
article's for you. By considering a move in
three stages - before, during, and after - and
thinking about your children's needs during each
stage, you can make a big difference in how your
kids feel about the move and how they adjust
afterwards.
Before the Move: Preparing
During the Move: Remembering What's
Important
After the Move: Getting Settled
Before the Move:
Preparing
Tell your children about the move as soon as
you can. The more time they have to think about
and prepare for the move, the easier it will be
for them.
Give your children a chance to express their
feelings, and try to be honest about your own
feelings. Most children will feel some anger,
sadness, or worry about the move. These
responses are natural, and kids who have a
chance to express them will work through their
doubts more easily. Gently tell your children
about any sadness you may feel about leaving or
uncertainty about a new home, job, or city. This
will reassure them that they aren't alone in
having worries or concerns.
Help older children prepare a list of phone
numbers and addresses of close friends,
relatives, and other important people in their
lives. Knowing they can stay in touch with these
people is an important part of a successful
move.
If your kids are old enough, let them
participate in decision making. Have the kids
keep a notebook of potential new homes with the
positives and the negatives listed.
If you are able to, before you move take
your children to your new home and explore the
new neighborhood and town or city together. If
this isn't possible, take pictures of your new
home, the schools your kids will attend, a
nearby park, and anything else that would be
interesting to them.
Make a scrapbook containing pictures of your
pre-move home, friends, and other mementos of
your life together.
Call the principal of your children's
schools, and try to set up a meeting with their
teachers or, if they're in junior high or high
school, guidance counselor. The new school may
even be able to give you names of students in
your child's class who live near your new home.
If so, you may want to drop by to meet them and
their families before you move in.
Try to line up some activities in which your
child can participate after the move: a sports
team, music lessons, art classes, a scouting
troop. Not only will activities like these keep
your children involved; they'll also help them
to feel like part of a group - an important
aspect of settling in. Try to sign up for more
than one activity in case one falls through or
doesn't go well.
If you can, try to meet families in your new
neighborhood before you move. Being familiar
with people when you move in will help your
children feel more at home.
During the Move:
Remembering What's Important
Throughout the move, stay as upbeat and calm
as you can; a good plan makes this possible.
Your own mood will impact other family members,
especially babies, who are particularly
sensitive to their mother's feelings. With older
children, it's important to be honest about some
of the uncertainties you have, but also to be
generally optimistic about the move and the
positive ways it will affect the family.
Involve your kids in the packing. Older kids
can put their own belongings in boxes, and kids
of all ages will enjoy decorating the boxes
containing their things. Doing so will also make
finding your children's things easier once
you're at the new house!
Try to stick to your routines. Have meals at
the same times as always. If your kids nap,
encourage them to lie down at the usual time.
Keep to the normal bedtimes.
Don't pack things that your children
treasure. Take special blankets, beloved stuffed
animals, favorite books, and other prized items
in a separate bag or box that you can bring with
you in the car or on the plane when you go to
your new home.
Help your children say good bye to the
important people in their lives. For their
friends, a pizza or make-your-own sundae party
is a fun way to celebrate the friendship. An
album or poster with photos of good times
together will add to the celebration. If your
children are comfortable, encourage hugs at the
end of the party. With neighbors or other
special adults, you may want to set up a time to
stop by and say good bye as a family.
Expect the unexpected: few moves go
smoothly, anticipate trouble (predict it!) and
have a positive, "can do" attitude.
After the Move:
Getting
Settled
Don't spend too much time unpacking - at
least not right away! Sure, the essentials are
important to unload and you want the house to
feel settled. But wait on the less important
stuff. In the first few days, take time to enjoy
your new home with your family. Take walks.
Check out local restaurants and take-out spots.
Introduce yourselves to your new neighbors.
Spend time at the park.
Be on the look-out for neighborhood kids,
and help introduce your children to them. If
it's comfortable for you and your children,
invite some of the neighborhood kids over for
pizza or a video.
Let your children have some input in
planning on the new house, especially in
choosing things to buy for their rooms. Even if
you don't follow through on their ideas, it's
important to listen to what they think. Be
tactful if you choose another option, and let
some decisions be entirely up to them - for
example, the placement of their bed or the color
of the rug or paint in their bedroom.
Get involved: church groups, synagogues,
YMCA and activity clubs, etc. enable
socializing. If a couple of months have gone by
and your child seems unusually troubled, ask a
doctor, guidance counselor, or principal if you
need a referral. Signs that your child may need
help: unusual academic difficulty; ongoing
irritability; trouble with peers; changes in
sleep or eating habits; a generally despondent
mood. Give them time, this behavior can last for
4-5 months for teens.
Above all, listen. Try to be there when your
kids get home after the first day at their new
schools, even if it means having to leave work
early that day. Regularly ask how things are
going, and take time to listen. Sometimes kids
have a hard time opening up; spending relaxed
time together may help them to bring up whatever
is on their minds.
For children and adults, it takes time to
feel at home. With your understanding and
patience, your children will be reassured that,
after a while, things will get easier;
everything won't feel so new; and that home is,
after all, wherever the family is.
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